sometimes i wonder where the insomnia has gone to. it really is quite useful sometimes!

i'm leaving for london again tomorrow. a year ago on this date i was frolicking in new found freedom in a small carpeted room in bankside. a year ago before my flight also i stuck on a little passage about steinbeck and some generalised sadness about leaving.

i think, simply, what people would say is boohoo i will miss everyone. if you strip away the general feeling that everything seems so ephemeral, that you can't guarantee that everything that was around will be around when you return. the parents will be a year older, so will the sisters, you just wish for everyone's sake it will slow down a little.

slow down? it'd be so boring. imagine living forever.

still, it wouldn't hurt if life is a playstation game that you can play till you're sick of.

and it's also not a simple case of "are you happier in london or in singapore". there are things in london i can get which i can't have in singapore. freedom, my own room, lse, the occasional soccer match or musical and different nightlife options. singapore has food, family, friends and i know where everything is. so it doesn't matter if there are 10,000 pros in london, and 10,000 cons in singapore, it's just the sickening feeling of having to give up something here for a year that makes you want it. and in the end, i could just stay here if i really wanted, and the fact that i don't is maybe the power of reason.

No comments: