places stay the same. lesson of manhattan

all the best times were inside looking out. acting out the lives of couples at chijmes. squid.

live your life like a work of art. you'd want it to be, wouldn't you?

when people are gone, places.

love.

have stopped writing for a while now. so many reasons. loss of momentum. thoughts piled up therefore not knowing where to start. lack of external stimuli. and the internal stimuli always seems to be the same old shit. too much noise, no time. nothing is new. and i feel i've become such a bad writer anyway.

and so the search for change and something new. to throw self into friends even though intimacy is short in coming. to discover other forms of expression. but i'm getting tired of the search. have pockets of time. need to start somewhere again and feel that this helps.

and when i do this, not for people to read. just a place to lock stuff away so you can use for listening. start from small things, train the muscles again.

i miss europe intensely tonight. it's not the cool nights and the cobblestone streets today. today i miss the anonymity of popping into a museum

F1!!

dissonance with all this 'meaning of life' stuff.

i am not looking for fucking meaning, or some goal, or some place i can reach the top of.

there is meaning enough around all of us.

my dissonance comes from trying to look for something that isn't there.

phrasing does matter to me.

little girl blue always starts with the tune from good king wenceslas. the version nina has on 'my baby cares for me' goes from this innocence to a maelstorm of keys that you can just lose yourself in. doesn't happen in her other versions.

same with 'for a while' live at ronnie scotts, when she blends into 'if you knew'

the other versions just don't cut it. musical theatre at its best.

for there are only so many sunrises one can watch, anyway

and when you realize, that all these damn books and movies about sunrises, about beautiful things, that all they're ever there about is to haunt you.

then you don't have to be disappointed by them