i watched martin scorcese's goodfellas once again. i couldn't get it once, when i thought it was a highly amusing take on gangsters. but scorcese once said he waited a lifetime for the book the film was based on, and now i think i know what he meant. he needs the life again.

                   
The hardest thing was to leave the life.    
                   
I love the life.
 
We were treated like movie stars
with muscle. We had it all.
                   
Our wives, mothers, kids,
everybody rode along.
                   
I had bags filled with jewelry
stashed in the kitchen.
                   
I had a bowl of coke next to the bed.
                   
Anything I wanted was a phone call away.           
Free cars. Keys to a dozen
hideouts all over the city.            
I'd bet    grand over a weekend...                 
...then blow the winnings in a week
or go to sharks to pay the bookies.
                
Didn't matter.
                   
It didn't mean anything. When I
was broke I would go rob some more.              
We ran everything.           
We paid off cops. We paid off lawyers.
We paid off judges.              
Everybody had their hands out.         
That's the hardest part.               
Today everything is different.                   
There's no action. I have to
wait around like everyone else.              
Can't even get decent food.                
After I got here I ordered
spaghetti with marinara sauce...                 
...and I got egg noodles with ketchup.                  
I'm an average nobody.
I get to live the rest of
my life like a schnook.