i wrote the emails i had to, cheerfully being optimistic and everything, talking to people, yes, procastinating a little but i have it under control.

i said a lot in what i wrote, and a lot of what i said was true. it's what i believe when i walk to school in the morning, or at least on 3 of the 5 days. yet who knows which beliefs can be bartered and yet others sold? maybe it will all change.

when i'm on a roll, i do think i can afford enough to help people, to think about them... yet occasionally there's a faux pas, or something is not quite right, i need to stick my head in the sand, or just lie back with someone who understands.

yet one of my growing convictions is that there is no sand, and that there is no lying back. it is scary having to take responsibility for everything, though it is no less scary than trying to take responsibility for someone else.

to paraphrase. everything a man knows in his mind, which is not just mere tumbling and rumbling in his brain, can be said in 3 words. i need to sleep tonight so i'll wake up with the right 3 tomorrow.