what happened to the balloons in the above picture (the rest of them), we got sick of releasing them one by one.



andre trying to eat me. this is an overdue picture from wax bar. he is wearing his "nice shirt" which he likes to wear.



travolta and l. jackson being badasses in general.

it was hwa chong night last night. that meant i had to slap on a suit and jeans. see, i don't like dressing formal. neither do i really like formal dinner and dance things. but the folks that put up the show really did put in a lot of effort, and effort ought to be rewarded.

i enjoyed the singing, seeing videos of what used to be so fun for me. yet it wasn't the same, many of my classmates weren't there, and i guess doing hwa chong stuff with people you weren't really close to in hwa chong can't reach the same high.

so we were bored yeah, and throughout my meal, which i was eating with elbows off the table, i dreaded the prospect of future dinner and dances. so although i had initial enthusiasm for saying "hi" and taking photographs with people, i soon lost it and wished i was on a train to gansu province (just a thought, you know). i guess it fed on itself and maybe i was a bit cold to people who tried to talk to me, i mean i did reply but really i wasn't on form. i wasn't paying attention, i really wasn't thinking about what i was studying, or where i live etc. people came all the way down from oxford and cambridge and germany and it was pretty cool, especially for the humanities people who had a large proportion of their classmates overseas it seemed.

alex's friend meiting was in the cloak room doing the committee a good deed, volunteering to be the cloakroom girl (she's from acjc, not from hc). being bored i was just talking to her towards the end because she's so cheery and happy. we had lots of balloons and she suggested writing wishes on balloons and letting them go. it sounded fun, and given that i always bitch about how i want to be a kid it sounded fun (i initially wanted to bring them home, cause i was like "waste helium balloons? do you know how many kids in africa don't get helium balloons?" and i wanted to do that helium voice thing, but i guess failure of imagination happened on my part and someone had a better idea). so we all got around to writing wishes on the balloons. they weren't trivial wishes. there was "world peace", "money for a boob job", "valentine's day at room 622", and other important wishes like money.

we released them one by one, worried when they got obstructed by the building. oh no, is that our wish not coming true? but it's nice to have a stupid belief (well not really, just this feeling) that things are good, it's some sort of solace that there's something in the sky that you could believe in at that point. there's something logic doesn't claim in us all.

i watched pulp fiction too again. being reminded of the dialogue. oh my god. it's what makes me want to speak like that everyday.

 Then the first of an uncomfortable silence happens.

                                 MIA
                      Don't you hate that?

                                 VINCENT
                      What?

                                 MIA
                      Uncomfortable silences.  Why do we
                      feel it's necessary to yak about
                      bullshit in order to be
                      comfortable?

                                 VINCENT
                      I don't know.

                                 MIA
                      That's when you know you found
                      somebody special.  When you can
                      just shut the fuck up for a minute,
                      and comfortably share silence.

                                 VINCENT
                      I don't think we're there yet.  But
                      don't feel bad, we just met each
                      other.

                                 MIA
                      Well I'll tell you what, I'll go to
                      the bathroom and powder my nose,
                      while you sit here and think of
                      something to say.

                                 VINCENT
                      I'll do that.


       INT. JACKRABBIT SLIM'S (LADIES ROOM) - NIGHT                   

       Mia powders her nose by doing a big line of coke off the
       bathroom sink.  Her head jerks up from the rush.

powders. nose. oh my god... but it's not about drugs or sex or that, that doesn't really matter. that just entertains (which sort of says to the realists, come on, we watch films to be entertained.) at the same time it reaches a moral denouement at the end, one that's satisfying, and tapped into a lot of what i've been thinking about recently.

after the show i tried to sleep but i couldn't do well on the floor. the big ben chimed several times as i unloaded to ezekiel online. i just needed to entertain myself from 4-ish in the morning till 7. at 7 london woke up to a rainy day. it was so fucking cold i decided not to walk and wait for the bus, but the bus took ages to come. i reached back at 8 and collapsed on my bed.

i had a wonderful discussion today with clarence too, we had fun dissecting miss izzy's arguments, and in general i think i'm much clearer in my conception of what i am, what i do, and how to respond to people. feel more creative now too. i can work. yay.