Can't help reflecting on army life, although its far from over. Exactly a month into my posting from OCS, I'm probably beginning to feel sufficiently removed from the realities of recruit and cadet life. When I look back at it all, it will all probably be happy and worth it, because in the end those isolated moments of despair and rather longer periods of despondency, are, perhaps symptoms that I have grown. Or that is at least how ineffable human logic seems to function, that the tougher something is, the more worth you derive from it. Economically speaking, cost has to be commensurate with benefit.


Let's try to be objective about it.

BMTC.

Resort in the sun. The nervous expectancy was there, even a masochistic looking forward to actually having exercise everyday
which JC couldn't afford. The burned weekends sucked, and getting used to a loss of freedom which reminds you of what so many other damn people are fighting for.

Almost everyone will say that the best things about NS is the people you meet. (Why Malaysia wants NS). It does put you in touch of people from different walks of life, although one thing I can safely say about Singapore is that as generations pass I feel we're getting more and more homogenized. It seems so. Improve my dialect and stuff. There was the obnoxious and those who really garnered respect, and we learnt to all live together happily.

OCS.

Haha. What can I say... pretty fun instructors. Of course, sort of left it with a bitter aftertaste. Sort of like knowing what a bureaucratic beast the army can be and the sad reality of discipline and regimentation, which leads to the bigger ideal that in the end, our job entails running towards bullets or they'll shoot you anyway. Or now, I'm supposed to shoot people who do.

TST, filled with pride, running here and there, with hardly time for admin, and 3 weeks pass just like that and it's a weekend. Time passes so slowly in anticipation.

Section training, the blistering heat, the thrill of feeling garang, throwing smoke and stuff. And finding BETA checkpoint, in that fit of anger. If i fail in everything I do, I will remember BETA. Goddamnit. But I found you anyway.

Still, I recall being filled with emotion. During Spade, when I misfired, and I so desperately wanted to get out to see Michelle off. But strangely, after a placid acceptance and wild visions of the future, I just dug and sug through the night and it was almost therapeutic. Talking to Shijie, keeping each other going especially when he broke a spade and a pickaxe hammering through a root. The cold Milo, the nights for thinking. Sorted out a lot. Marching on and on with load on back thinking about almost everything.

ROC. The instant noodles. The scenery, navigating in a foreign country, R&R. Good, boyish fun.

Brunei. haha. well. unforgettable. don't need to write anything down.

Elegiac? yeah damn well. Feel like it today.

Cause I suddenly drifted to this topic while designing floor plans for the new NSHRC office. At least I can smile next time knowing that I was responsible for the lack of the space that I have because I factored it in. But they want to squeeze everything in it's not really my fault. Or I probably have to think harder. Okay.
Congratulations to all who did well for A levels, including my cousin. You deserve it.
Whee. soccer match tmrw, then have to rush down to get PDL and look around at the LSE and UCL booth tmrw...
then dinner, karaoke, walla's! hedonism.
Next week then. DOO on Sunday, let's hope there are no incident reports or anything.