like everything else, i need to get mildly pissed off about something to get anything done.

and as usual, when i'm pissed off i act all cute about it, like japanese ladies that cover their mouth, like the japanese in general, ever since they were deprived of the right to lop people's heads off with a katana. so they make cute sony eriksson phones, playstation rpgs, av movies, sex toys, discmen, and other cute contraptions. suppressed aggresion breeds creativity. and of course now japan wants a real army and maybe some nukes. which means less pokemon and more business for mitsubishi and other defence contractors.

that of course, is not the point. it is however, something that amuses me and i indulge myself. i am so positively enamoured with me. the ego apparently develops at 2 when you can distinctly identify between 'them' and 'me' and it is only then that love is possible, that one can give beyond oneself. i cannot imagine how the world doesn't grovel at my feet and do stupid things like raise their right hand and shout my name over and over again. i miss the days when i inscribe my capital city "Halconya", a woeful mispelling of Halcyon, a big word that I failed to understand as a kid, over the map of Germany in my Philips Atlas and pretended that Germany was my country. Just that i was called Halconya too. Just like SIngapore is the capital city of Singapore. How naive that little fact proved to be because in the end who the fuck cares what the capital of Singapore is. It just shows my complete lack of udnerstanding, that I thought each country neatly had a capital. I traced over the county boundaries in England(a foreboding of my imperialistic instincts?) I traced lines connecting cities together, I think Singapore and other cities that crossed over the Sea of Java and the South Chine Sea, in pencil, of course. Although Halconya was in pen. Actually, I had Halconya over Hamburg because it would feel more like Singapore and my Sim City and it sort of over looked the entire empire. As I matured, leaning that Germany was once called the Reich and they presided over the gassing of millions of jews, I decided to learn French because their people sounded nicer if a little stuck up. It was also a classic European language that would stand me in good stead.

It's scary because Hitler probably did that, imagining his capital cities and the big Liebensraum in the East in the mountains in Bergestaden(damn german spelling) . But in some cases I guess it became unrestrained probably because he left his conscience behind and he actually believed he could pull it off. talk about the power of a dream. in the end, the british and the russkies defeated him, england have up her Empire, and nations lived happily, albeit insecurely, ever after.

Like the kid playing Transformers toys in church (its amazing the stunts he can think off, like balancing it on one hand from the pew) and then turning it into a fire engine. and the priest too, doing his own version, transforming bread into the body of christ. and think of it, i never played with transformers. I had Lego and Duplo, but even then it was more building things like Petrol Station or houses on green grass and never the cool Evil Empire sort. I think Happy Meals were good because I got things like UFOs with that purple blob like thing on it. Cereal boxes could really be cut out or they had mazes to be played with(do they still? I rearely eat cereal now) and they were usually Honey Stars or some intergalactic name. Life was kind. And McDonalds was actually cool then cause they had playgrounds everywhere. And it would have to be a deliberate trip to go cause there was none near my place. Now I can walk to Serene Center so I hate it. And the Happy Meal Toys now are just sad cause they like to produce Hello Kittys instead.