8/04/2005

happiness is a warm gun (mother superior jump the gun?)

i was on the bus back with her and i thought "yeah, gosh, has the week went well."

it went well because of the people around me. the people i ran into. i've been running around singapore all week (no not to catch one last glimpse of the sights), for work/teaching/related things, and i met all sorts of people.

there was "yin", at the bus-stop outside SPH, who I was extremely wary of because he was carrying bags of plastic bottles, looked dirty, and was really friendly. he asked my nationality, name and other personal details, tried to strike up conversation, shook my hand (i must admit i thought, does he have aids). fear was telling me, you know, friendly people always get shot or mugged, maybe you shouldn't talk to him. but i couldn't think of a reason not to, so i politely made conversation, reassuring myself, that maybe he's lonely, and he said he hangs around there often, and regardless of his motives, it was a harmless, friendly conversation which lasted all of 10 minutes and got on the bus. I never knew why he would talk to me. Being friendly? Trying to pick me up? It didn't matter, and I don't think anything did, maybe he walked off dissappointed not having robbed me, or maybe he was happy someone just talked to him. well, just watched crash (mm good show) and it did teach me, don't fear! fear fucks the hell out of our minds and makes us do evil shit. self preservation and all, but it would suck not to live to principles.

there was the taxi driver, 50- sum'in? in a rush, cause he was changing shifts, and he told me he would "jia kuai yi dian, bu yao pa!" and he proceeds to rush through the gears... hitting a maximum speed of... 60! wow. how fast. and he says about how good he knows the route, that he's saving so much time. he gets excited when he beats a yellow light, and when he gets cars coming through from the slip road, taking his hands of the wheels, clapping, "look ma!" and when simon & garfunkel's "i am a rock, i am an island !" plays, he blasts the volume and sings along. and he's so happy.

and the people all outside the salvation army! i mean, cynicism about charity aside, i guess it's just indicative of a world, that really, one must be "able and willing to pay" to get what one wants. it's not a damnation of the principle, it is quite logical, just that unfortunately in life not everyone is "able and willing to earn", which then starts of with unfairness etc.

and i returned to camp, to see my old mates, my understudy, xin hong, who told me tales of israel, it was really nice to see how everything just turned out, the office and everything (made me feel well, a little proud). and of course, i realised i do care deeply what happens in their lives though i don't see them all that often, because i guess i do admire them for making the most of their time in army, and even some of my seniors in there, i admire their honesty, that when they're dissatisfied they say so, and how they have to work so hard, taking all these degrees part time, and it just makes me so hopeful in the resilience and determination people show in life, you know, not competing, but just in staying afloat.

maybe it's the running around and the prospect of teaching and this sense of purpose in preparing for studies?

but maybe it's all the smiles that people show me, being hospitable, inviting people in, and it falls into place, that what i need to be happy is that sort of feedback and to notice it from time to time, that everyone around you does appreciate you, in some shape or form, and it's the need to have the conviction that you can make others happier. that sort of belief, when it floats by, is the best thing you can ever hope for. and it's also taking things slow and knowing why you're doing them, and if you can elucidate them clearly, to yourselves and others (something why i admittedly have not been very succesful in), then you have every reason to hope?

idealistic? you bet. but it gives me this floaty feeling, so would you just keep the needles away. thanks.

oh and i've been busy trying to eat all the food i can muhaha! tiong bahru, adam road. name it, i'll eat it!

1 comment:

helianthus said...

we'll only miss something when its gone.at least you're enjoying every detail about everything while you stil can. how nice to see someone happy and contented. :)