9/29/2005

maybe tonight

i was spacing out and listening to some bands at the lse quad tonight (and people here do like the strokes don't they?)... and enjoying the music, and i thought...

i haven't thought for a really long time. no i mean, we always are, but...

i know i'm going to get my heart broken, especially here, here in london. i really do. i think i know i doubt myself too much to doubt that somethings going to piss on my parade some day, even when everythings happy and hazy and sounds noisy.

maybe it's the chilly weather, or the rain falling as i'm fucking walking back at midnight. but i loved that, it was a drizzle! no i think it's because i know acutely what and who i am at certain points, and sometimes i just believe that i'll only ever fall in love with people who'll break my heart, or that i over-inflate academic expectations of myself, or refuse to accept that yes, at times i am happiest when i am alone. no, but these are all just random and paradoxical musings induced by the cold and street lighting.

so hit me. i'm ready. but for gods sakes make it a nice landing.

5 comments:

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Anonymous said...

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wendy said...

hello! just dropped in to read about your life haha and saw this post. dunno if i'm getting it right but u sound a little pessimistic. well cheer up!! hee at least u are in wonderful london and i am in uptight singapore. at least u are so intellectual and i always sprout nonsense haha well.. things always happen for a GOOD reason so even if you get your heart broken, it will prepare you for cherishing someone who will not break your heart later on! hee well dunno if i'm making sense but just wanna make u feel better! haha see ya!

Anonymous said...

Agree...
i always feel that i don't need anyone but at times, when i see others having SOMEONE with them, when i walk the streets at night,not alone but everyone whizzing by are strangers, when i eat my lunch alone, i wish for SOMEONE. even though he'll bring a great deal of suffering. hard choice eh? i'm glad you made yours :)

wendy said...

I always believe in good things come to those who wait heE! and u've been good and patient so i just know u will be with SOMEONE whom u want to be with! but i understand what u are saying exactly! well i've made my choice but i do have doubts about the future! hee so let's see where we all land up! cest la vie? haha did i use that right? hee